I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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