Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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