My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
