I think i peed on brittanys purse
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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