Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
