He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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