You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
