Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
