franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
