my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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