I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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