also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize