break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
