Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
