omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
