Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
