I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
