Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
