If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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