well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
