It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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