You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
