I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
