Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
