have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
