You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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