is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
