And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
