True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
