operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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