She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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