He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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