We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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