hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
