if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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