maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
