I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
