In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
