my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
