i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
