Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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