Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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