Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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