I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
