Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
