i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
