remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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