if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
