one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
