8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
