and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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