Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My penis needs a shock collar
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
