I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
