Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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