I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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