this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
