I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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