Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
