Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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