got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
