wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
