her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
50% drunk capacity currently
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
