Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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