It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
