i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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