He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
