not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
